I am a Catholic Lesbian

Most people I know are pretty much sick of the debate as a whole. I am too but the reality is until there is equality the topic is very much alive.  It affects so many, even my son has a strong opinion and it sparked a conversation between us. He is still researching where his belief system best fits. He asked me what I think. I said it's very hard because I was raised Catholic. I have come to find that I believe in certain aspects of the Catholic religion but there is no way I would ever go back to the Catholic Church.  I told my son the very true life story of a very good friend of mine who is a very happy woman living with the love of her life and they are both Catholic.  Devout Catholics. oh and they are gay.  Brandon asked me "How does that work?" I replied with ya know, I have been asking myself that question to."  So I reached out to her and delicately asked her if she would mind answering that question. I told her that if I offended her in the least to disregard my question and forget I ever asked. She, as the wonderful person she is not only answered me but also said I could share her story. However, to protect their privacy I am leaving out some details and omitting names.

Here is how a Lesbian couple maintain their relationship with God.

I know that some people are 'born gay' (still not sure about that, but whatever)....and some people find themselves feeling or figuring it out as they go along.I can tell you that myself and my loving partner are of the latter camp. I mean, I seriously dated (and almost married) a guy who I thought was 'the one'. She did get married-only to ultimately realize he was a self centered, mentally abusive douchebag who only cares for himself and viewed her as nothing more than his property.Sorry to ramble a bit, but I am trying to come to it...in the case of us, we were both raised Catholic and still very much consider ourselves 'faith-ful'....being in a same sex relationship has zero bearing on our individual relationship with God.  God doesn't see us as anything more than his creations of pure love. Jesus Christ himself commanded us all to love one another as he loves us. Not in the sense of death on the cross, but more to the fact of not judging and wholly accepting and in return unassuming key giving LOVE.To understand that God only wants our happiness and our unconditional love to him and those around us is really all that true 'faith' is about. It's the ego of man that twists God's true nature to suit man's own purpose and justification of what he wants others to believe and follow with him.I'm not devaluing the orders of the Old Covenant, but what the church is hung up on is what they think (and want) to say is 'God's will'. What they are forgetting (conveniently), is that when Jesus came to earth, he clearly stated that HE was the NEW Covenant-not that the old one was unimportant, just that he was redesigning the rules of the game...and why can't he, he *IS* God.So while mankind still thinks that they can tell everyone how to act, the truth is, if you are a follower of God, then your relationship is with God-not man.  You want to always remember to be good and kind and obedient to God (and in that sense to others), but man doesn't judge your actions-God does.I know I'm rambling...but I do have a point in here somewhere.My faith is rooted in my relationship directly with God-I'm not ashamed of who I have found myself to be, but through my relationship with the Almighty I have learned that as long as I and my soul mate and partner in life and love put love and trust in the good, we will live in God's grace and be rewarded-both in this life and the next.I don't disrespect the laws of my church, but I have prayed and studied and spoken to different people...and I have felt God within me and around me, I know that he blesses my choice and that his love for me is something that NO ONE can change except me.

So for me, this about sums it up in the best way possible. There is nothing more for me to comment about.

Be Good, Be Kind, Love, Be Generous, Be honest. Be the best person you can be.

Marry whoever the F*CK you want.

Before I was going to start typing this blog I was going to do some research and quote some facts and blah blah blah but really if you know me this blog is more about how I feel and my opinions on things so I am going to stick with that.

Marriage.

This word represents alot of things to many people.

Merriam Webster's definition which was updated in 2003 define it as:

the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law (2) : the state of being united to a person of the same sex in a relationship like that of a traditional marriage

Kudos to them.  

I don't see the big deal. I really don't see it. I time and time again am the first one to admit that when it comes to politics I am ignorant and uninterested because I feel everyone's personal and political agendas prevent them from making impartial decisions that positively affect us all.  With that said, I have to address it to some degree.  It has always been my understanding that there is supposed to be a separation of church and state. So why are states and the government concerned with who we marry? 

If it is a binding contract signed between two consensual adults who will be financially responsible for any assets they purchase including taxes cuz with big government it's always about taxes then why do they care who a person marries?  It should be a non issue when it comes to the ability to get legally married.  Two people, man and woman, man and man or woman and woman should be able to obtain a marriage license, have a ceremony in the church, synagogue, temple, courthouse, or any other venue and celebrate the joyous occasion. As long as the couples follow the laws associated with living in a civil society that should be all they are concerned with.

As for the churches and the radicals that come with them, I say this, your God, higher power, or spiritual advisor may tell you that same sex marriage is an abomination, well that is your opinion and you can have it, but in no way shape or form should your religious beliefs give you a license to hate or to try and influence laws to stop Gay Marriage.  Any person who is in a same sex relationship more than likely isn't a member of your bigoted church to begin with. You believe what you want and let people live.

What is going on today is no different than how we treated black Americans for decades.  Interracial marriage wasn't allowed until 1967. Today, it's common place. In 2010 4.8 million interracial marriages  UCLA did a study in 2011 that cites there are 9 million gay, lesbian and transgender Americans.  These are people. People who were born gay, just like I was born white and you were born whatever race you are.  (ok so i did get a couple of facts)

I just don't see it. I don't know why this is an issue. These are human beings we are talking about. People who work, live, love, and are members of this society who deserve the same rights as any other person walking this planet. 

If you do not believe in gay marriage, so be it. I bet you don't believe in alot of things.  I don't believe in alot of things but I am sure as hell not trying to prevent you from doing them. These are basic human rights. The right to get married and share your life with someone is not a privilege. It is a right. A right of every man and woman. Your personal feelings on it mean nothing. If we made decisons for the world based on personal opinions, slaves wouldn't be free and women wouldn't have the right to vote. 

I am a heterosexual female in a loving relationship and I can get married any time I so choose. I want that for my friends, my family. The people in my life who I see every day living amazing lives with the loves of their life. 

I don't expect you all to agree with me. Opinions are what make us individuals.   What I do expect is that everyone recognizes on a basic human level that we are all entitled to the same rights regardless of who we lay down with at night.  

Look at your husband, wife, girlfriend, or boyfriend tonight and think about how you would feel if one day you were told, Sorry you are not allowed to marry this person, or take legal responsibility for them in their time of need because we don't believe in your relationship.  Look at your children tonight and think about how you would feel if there were laws that said you can't have children because we don't recognize the relationship you are in.  

It's not a good feeling is it?  

This isn't one of my more eloquently written blogs, but that is because when I am really pissed off the fancy words just escape me because it's taking all my energy to not use the F Word in every other sentence.

   

Find your peace

I literally just deleted the blog I wrote, because I realized it was not fair to express my opinions about a person without giving them the opportunity to respond to them. Even though I tried to keep it vague and leave out names and places it wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who it was based on how I was telling the story so I am changing gears and putting it down this way.

Change is inevitable. Struggle is optional.
Lives have been altered forever.
The family has been altered.
It will never be how it once was.
The new normal is here.
No one likes it, but we have no other option but to accept it.
If you really look back on the last few years, you weren't even that close to me.
Of course I cared about you. You were a friend but sadly, your perception of the relationships you had with me goes much deeper than mine.
No one left you out of anything.
The things you once were a part of aren't there anymore.
We have all gone our separate ways to some degree.
Death, illness, divorce, new jobs have dictated a shift in how we used to do things.
It was never done TO you. It was never even about you and I wish you could see that.
I challenge you to write down the number of times in which you were with any one of us outside a social situation.
I bet you can count them on your hand.
This is not to hurt you.
It's an attempt to make you understand.
You have to stop dwelling on the past.
Your new "strong" persona is a facade that no one believes.
If you are truly getting help then continue on that path because it is what you need.
You will not and shall not drag me down into the depression you are in over the loss.
It has taken every ounce of strength we have to get to this point.
I don't hate you.
I want the best for you.
The best for you is to move on because this life was never really you.
It was your connection to him.
It allowed you to hang on.
You don't need forgiveness. You did nothing wrong.
You have romanticized the relationship you had with us.
I wish I could understand where it comes from.
I won't make any assumptions.
Your feelings are real.
You are allowed to have them.
And I am allowed to not subject myself to it.
Im not sorry for the decision to cut you out of my life.
I am sorry that you don't see that in the grand scheme it is the best thing for you.
Find peace my friend.

Heavy Hearts ♥♥

I have a heavy heart today for my friends who lost someone dear to them.I have a heavy heart today for my friend who buried her grandmother today.I have a heavy heart for someone who filed for divorce today.

Heavy Heart is a really good term. It truly expressed my feelings.  I'm ok enough to go about my daily routine and live my life and smile and joke and be me, but looming is this heaviness that sometimes I forget is there and then suddenly it returns and I am reminded of the sadness those that I care for are going through.

The older I get the reality of death, illness, divorce becomes so much more a part of our lives. I guess that is the getting old thing. I don't like it. So I have a heavy heart.

To my friends who lost someone dear yesterday.

You are fortunate enough to have the family that you do that you can be together during this time of loss and share the memories, laugh and cry. Remember what an amazing man he was and honor him every day in everything you do. He was a great man, adoring father, and a wonderful friend. 

To my friend who said goodbye to her grandmother today.

She finally rests in peace, not confused in her own body.  Able to think clearly and be free of all that held her to this earth. She was ready to go and you were there for her through it all. She is the reason that you exist and your children exist and the legacy will continue long after we are gone. 

To my friend who filed for divorce today.

We don't always get the happy ending we thought we would, but you my dear are indeed living a happy life. You have beautiful children, an amazing support system and a light that could illuminate the darkest of days. Never doubt who you are based on the ending of a marriage. It takes two people devoted to the marriage and the family they created. Clearly you have done just that. Don't give up. Never give up. 

My heart is heavy but tomorrow is another day and yes some days will be better than others and we will face more trials and lose more friends and make changes we wish he didn't have to it is all part of the journey that we have on this earth and if we stop trying than the journey ends.  

Take care my friends.

My 2013 American Idol Top 10

After watching American Idol for over a decade I decided this year I would share with my thoughts and predictions. Of course my predictions will totally get blown out of the water because America sometimes is just plain crazy. So here we go. I am counting down to who I think will be there in the end.

Lazaro Arbos

I have been saying this since his first audition. Lazaro has a "nice" voice and sometimes he has a very solid performance, but all in all he is mediocre.  His STORY his what is extraordinary and makes for good TV. I can guarantee you that the only reason he made it to the TOP 10 was because the judges were forced to put him through so that America would have the chance to vote for him.  He is inspiring but is he really going to a star? Nope.

   

Paul Jolley
Vanilla.  Paul Jolley's voice is pleasant, he is a handsome guy. He definitely has talent, but there is nothing about him that stands out. He is Vanilla and for a guy that says he has never sang a show tune in his life he sure has the theatrics that fit right in so he may want to re-think his career goals. 

Janelle Arthur
The weakest of all the girls in my opinion. Janelle's look is what will keep her in this competition long after her true expiration date unless of course she has a really bad song choice in the coming weeks.  She would make a fine country singer, but not sure she is a country star.  There is a difference. You will most likely see her making a living in the Nashville bar circuit rather than a hit on country radio.  

Devin Velez 

This kid has a great shot at being a Latin star. His wheelhouse is absolutely the whole Spanish music scene.  There is a clarity and pureness to his voice that is really only shining when he is singing in Spanish. He also has a maturity to him that most 18 year olds do not have this early in the game. I don't think he has a chance in hell at being in the Top 3 , but I do believe he will make a name for himself in the Latin Music Industry. Maybe J-Lo will sign him.

Burnell Taylor
There is no arguing Burnell can sing and being a Louisiana boy he will be in this competition for a while and maybe longer than he truly deserves. His fans will vote and vote often He's a kid and he has years to perfect his craft. He is another one that I just don't see that star power like a Joshua Ledet from season 11.

Amber Holcomb
A beautiful girl with an above average voice, but suffers from confidence issues that she must conquer in order to stay in this competition. I'm amazed that the judges have blatantly disregarded her multiple pitch issues.I'm thinking she is a judge fave and by judge I mean Randy.  Amber is just another really good voice but lacks the overall stage presence that we are used to seeing.  

Curtis Finch Jr.
Every year we have that one contestant that brings the "Jesus" to the competition. In pure Fantasia Barrino Fashion we have Curtis Finch Jr. who is this year's Joshua Ledet who ended up 3rd in Season 11 so I predict Curtis will be a Top 5 Contestant for sure. He's not a favorite of mine, but I recognize the sheer vocal prowess he has. He needs to reduce the amount of "runs" in his songs and keep the vocal pure.

Kree Harrison
It's no secret I love this girl. Her voice is angelic. She is clearly at home on the stage. I cheated and 

checked out some original music and live performances pre-idol and all I can say is that regardless where she finishes in this competition and I am saying she will finish 3rd, she will be successful. She has been making the Nashville rounds for a few years now. This is the push she needs to get noticed. A Kree Harrison album will drop in 2014.

Candice Glover
This is the powerhouse of this year's competition. She has had some flawless performances and performances with flaws. As a big voice myself, the pitfall is letting the emotion of the song push you too far and your belting of the song becomes almost a yell, but that's a minor critique for a girl who clearly owns this competition. Candice will finish second and keep reading to find out why.

                                                        

                                                       
                                                         Angie Miller

Angie pretty much sealed her Idol win with her original song that every teenage girl has ripped off of YouTube and on to their iPod ten minutes after it aired on Fox.  Angie has the talent, the looks and at 18 years old she is young enough to be exactly what American Idol wants her to be. Angie has a YouTube channel
http://www.youtube.com/user/AngieKristineMiller.  Covers done professionally in studio that millions of kids and adults like me have already watched and are Angie converts.  The pop world wants their own Taylor Swift. A singer/songwriter that can relate to the masses. They have it with Angie and on top of it all she is a Christian girl who performs in front of thousands at youth conventions. She has single handedly locked up the teenage girl vote and the christian community.  I would be extremely surprised if she didn't win.  It's her competition to lose right now.

So that's it. That's my prediction from the first to go to the last one standing. As always, there are twists, turns, bad song choices and the fact that sometimes the voters are so sure their pick will win that they give their pity votes to less deserving contestants and thereby causing the elimination (Chris Daughtry) or almost elimination (Jessica Sanchez) wayyyy to early in the competition. 

I will say that the contestants in 2013 are by far the weakest we have ever seen and if Ryan Seacrest or any of those judges try to say otherwise I will tweet them to death until they take it back.  I don't know what happened this year. Maybe Steven and J-Lo were stronger judges, maybe behind the scenes production failed to deliver the contestants to the judges. Whatever it is. They need to fix it for 2014.  

As far Icky Minaj.  I can only hope that this is her freshman and drop out year.  I can't live through another year of pink wigs, English accents and whining.  She is killing this show slowly.  

Thanks for reading.  You can find me on twitter each week talking all things Idol under the screen name redreign1800.

Davis... OUT (remember when Seacrest used to say that, guess that catch phrase died).

LIVE, LOCAL and ASS KICKING... NO MORE

An end of an era is upon us. WCCC the Rock 106.9 has gone the way of so many radio stations before them. The backlash continues. Goodbye Godsmack, System of a Down, Pantera and oh so many more. Hello to the softer side of rock. BLECH.  Some hold out hope that they will see the error of their ways; others have abandoned terrestrial radio for satellite or internet radio. I am one of those converts myself.

Admittedly, I had converted about a month before WCCC pulled the trigger and murdered its former self in order to save itself according to the Management at Marlin Broadcasting. Why did I leave before the end was actually here? I saw the cracks and quite honestly I was bored and needed some variety.  That is the benefit of internet radio. You are your own programmer. The negative of course is that you don’t always know what’s new; you miss out on the latest concert information and the connection to the local music scene.

Back to what this blog is about. The demise of WCCC.  The fans say they sold out; WCCC management’s position is that in order to stay in business they need to cater to an older crowd, “older” being my demographic but then again not quite. They are targeting the 40+ male demographic. Why? Well I don’t have the official reason but if I had to make a guess on what they are thinking here it is.

WCCC for years has been a hard rock station whose listeners tended to be males 18-25 years of age. I say tended because this does not make up the whole demographic of listeners it is just what the majority was.  The cold hard truth and you can argue it all you want is that this age bracket typically isn’t buyers. They aren’t listening to advertising and then purchasing products and services based on what they hear on WCCC.  Columbia Dental and New Balance certainly didn’t get an influx of customers based on their commercials being played 10 times a day.  I don’t see 22 year old males spending thousands of dollars to whiten their teeth or get braces. They are saving their pennies to hit the packy and the next concert.  It just wasn’t working. Do I think that WCCC could have done a better job in this area? Yes, and oh by the way they canned Johnny Promo a few months ago so clearly they knew they had a problem. I think the biggest issue is that it was too far gone.

I am not for one second insinuating that all people in the 18-25 age range don’t spend money in areas other than booze and partying, but what I am saying is that there just wasn’t enough of them to sustain the business and apparently those of us who aren’t considered in the demographic of the old WCCC programming weren’t spending enough either. 

With that said, this is only one aspect of why I think WCCC decided to strip from us the music and jocks that we love. Radio is a vicious business. You are there one minute and gone the next. WCCC is one of the few radio stations left that isn’t owned by a huge conglomerate that owns a multitude of stations. WCCC is owned by Marlin Broadcasting, LLC a company who has had a few different ventures and after trying to find some research on exactly what they currently own I was unable to find any information I was comfortable in quoting.  Radio is a political animal in which if you aren’t with the “winning” team you may not have a job tomorrow and let’s be real ladies and gentlemen there isn’t much out there for radio personalities today. The age of digital playlists and non-commercial radio has all but made them obsolete.  So you can’t blame people for trying to keep their jobs.   

I applaud the people who created the Save the Rock Facebook page especially because I see the page evolving from an attempt to save WCCC and more into saving the music. The music they love by keeping the fans up dated on the latest concert info and music. 

As sad is it is to see the days of LIVE LOCAL and ASS KICKING give way for the greatest hits of Dave Mathews and Journey, the reality is technology, money, greed, the state of our economy and poor management have taken down the last great radio station we had here in Connecticut.  So now my friends we are forced to find other avenues.  Here are some for you to take a look and listen.

www.cygnusradio.com
Cygnus Radio was founded in February of 2005 to promote independent music in a way that is friendly and accommodating for listeners, artists, and staff members. No one person could accomplish this, but a dedicated and passionate team …
Artists who make such fantastic music
Radio hosts who bring it to you in such a way that you care about it
Technicians who build the site and without whom there would be no means of bringing it to you

www.spotify.com
Spotify is a commercial music streaming service providing DRM-protected[citation needed] content from a range of major and independent record labels, including Sony, EMI, Warner Music Group and Universal.

www.pandora.com
Pandora Internet Radio (also known as Pandora Radio or simply Pandora) is an automated music recommendation service and "custodian" of the Music Genome Project. The service, operated by Pandora Media, Inc., is fully available in the United States, Australia and New Zealand. The service plays musical selections of a certain genre based on the user's artist selection. The user then provides positive or negative feedback for songs chosen by the service, which are taken into account when Pandora selects future songs.

And of course

www.radio1041.fm

Although Radio 104.1 doesn’t exactly provide the hard rocking music we love so much it does have its moments and you can find WCCC Alum, Holden Johnson doin his thing and doin it well.

By far my longest blog ever, but I had to share my thoughts and suggestions with you all.

Wherever you go for your music remember to support the artists who make it all possible. Support Live, Local Music wherever and whenever you can. 

You know what music does for you. It’s your therapist, your lover, your friend, and your confidante. RESPECT THE MUSIC.

Just "Be"

So I am annoyed and irritated. Not sure it's really directed at any one person or situation. Just annoyed in general I guess.

Finding it hard to be tolerant. Tolerance has never been my strong suit. I am aware of this deficiency. Most days I have it under control. I choose silence over tolerance. This way I am not living a lie. I am just choosing not to push my opinions on the situation at the time.

It seems to me that too many people spend too much time looking for reasons to be angry or sad.  Seeking out drama rather than steering away. I hate the word drama so much because it is used so damn much. Everyone talks about drama. Ironically it's usually the people who are causing it that discuss it most.

Why is it so hard to just "be". Let go of the negative and embrace the positive. I realize that some situations require your attention but if you sat down and pondered things awhile I bet you could free yourself of a lot more than you realize.  Chaos becomes part of the norm and dare I say like a drug. I know this first hand.

Today, at almost 40 years old, I'm tired.  I can't imagine being on "the edge" every day. Always waiting for the next text, call or facebook post to send me into a tizzy. Don't get it twisted ( i love that saying). I still get caught up in the trap on occasion. Catch me on a bad day and someones facebook post can send me into a tirade but I do try and control myself and remember that its my choice on how I handle a situation and is it really worth my time? Once in a while it sure is, but usually no. Not at all.

For those of you that don't know me well you might be reading this and saying what a hypocrite because I deal with alot of drama. I don't actually. I deal with life and I make the best of it. Alot of challenges have occurred in my life the past few years with death among family and friends, accidents, divorces, health scares etc.  True it does seem like a lot. I didn't exactly bring it upon myself.  The only downside to having an extremely large circle of close friends in your life is the law of averages. The more people you surround yourself with the more "life stuff" happens. It can't be avoided. It is part of, well, LIFE.  I like to think that I handle myself in the best way possible and don't plaster my tales of woe all over the Internet. I share. I sure do because the majority of the people on my facebook are the same people impacted by what I am going through.

This post today is really just me rambling. I'm in a weird place today. Not sure why. Things are good. My life is good. Things can always be better but they could always be worse.

I guess my goal here is that some of you will read this and maybe see yourself in some of the words and make a change that is good for you. Chaos, drama, the continuous need to be "in the know" will never be healthy for anyone. It won't extend your life or improve the quality of it.

Happiness is the key to longevity. That and a dog (but that's another blog).  If we all took care of our own house and didn't worry so much about everyone else's this world,  virtual and real would be a happier place to be.

One last note. I truly didn't write this blog with any one person in mind. Several came to mind for various reasons. This is not a passive aggressive stab at any one person it was nothing more than a conscious stream of thoughts about the state of my life these days and the people in it but if you thought for one second that it was solely written about you  than this blog was ABSOLUTELY WRITTEN ABOUT YOU.

Peace, Love, and Rock n Roll

Til we meet again

Another Year Dad

I write about my dad on his birthday every year. I probably say the same stuff over and over again. I really don't care. Although I appreciate everyone reading my blogs the simple fact is I write for me. The public reaction is just a bonus.

I woke up this morning and didn't realize until I got to work what day it was. My day started pretty normal except for the phone call from Brandon that he couldn't go to school because my mom's dogs got skunked and everything including him smelled skunky.

Got to work and then it was like BAM. Oh wait today is his bday.

Donald R. Davis would have been 66 today. He was born March 1, 1947. He was born and raised in Southington. The town he loved.  He worked hard, played hard. He was kind and generous. He was outgoing and funny. Many say I am a lot like my dad and that is the ultimate compliment.  We didn't have much in the early years but I never knew that because he never let it affect me.

There is alot I could write about my dad but honestly it's just too hard still. Someday I am going to write down every memory and all my thoughts on my amazing father, but not yet. Just too soon.

Miss you every day dad. EVERY SINGLE DAY