I don't get it. I will never get it.

I was reading an amazing blog by a new friend who shall remain nameless since her blog is only open to those of us in her "inner sanctum".  She very recently joined the ever growing list of women I know who were victims of their husband's infidelity. I don't get it.  I really don't get it.  I do not and will not ever understand the reasoning behind why a man and yes I know women do it too but for the sake of this blog  I am referring to the men.  Why do they do it? Why not just leave when ultimately that is your plan? Is it money? fear? selfishness? cuz it sure isn't love. I don't care what they say it isn't love.

I too have been a victim of infidelity. I was not married, but was engaged. Seven years later I realize that in my case the infidelity was minor compared to the laundry list of other issues he had and we had as a couple. His cheating was just the straw that broke the camels back and I was one big mutherf*cking camel back then. However, I remember the pain. I had experienced it before. I had a very bad habit of choosing men who liked me but weren't in love with me. I also had an even worse habit of losing me somewhere in the relationship and therefore, whatever part of me they may have liked or dare I say loved was gone.  So I remember the pain. It is an emotion that lingers in your psyche for the rest of your life. How you choose to move forward is entirely up to you.

After reading about my friend's betrayal and seeing the staggering similarities between her situation and someone else I know I started to ponder if it is truly a man thing because these two men who come from different backgrounds and probably will never lay eyes on each other basically demolished the lives of two very strong and beautiful women. Who now have the daunting task of starting over when they should have been enjoying the rewards that is marriage. These men used the same words, the same excuses, lies and even the same tactics to escape their oh so "unhappy marriage". Oh and by the way meeting some whoreo who is willing to hang on your every word while she opens her legs is the reason for your "unhappy marriage" These men both left their lives they have known to be with other women.  I'm curious as to whether or not there is some cheating man's exit strategy book you can purchase because they followed it to the letter.

It infuriates me on so many levels because as a friend to both parties involved in a breakup its amazing to see what different perspectives they have on a situation. It also brings to light a lot of warning flags and not so right moments that were there all the time that either I didn't see or dare I say ignored in the hopes that I was just being paranoid. Watching it dissolve before your eyes is such a dismal experience. It eats at your soul and some of my own insecurities resurface.

Why do men handle it that way? How can you have sexual relations with your mistress and come home and make love to your wife? Regardless of where you feel in your mind that your relationship is failing the basic moral code of being a husband should still take precedent over your own carnal knowledge, no?  I guess not because I haven't seen that discretion displayed much lately.  You take vows and then fast forward years later and your wife has to be tested cuz you don't have the decency to wrap your shit up? I don't get it. I will never ever ever get it.

I could go on and on about what i think about the roads these men took and are taking. I could go on an on about how even now he chooses to try an assert control over her when he has none. How he manipulates every mutherf*cking situation he can to try and look good in front of his peers when in reality the douchebag meter just jumps up but I won't. Why? because like these two beautiful, strong, talented women I must move on too. It does no good to commiserate.  They are better than them, a bazillion times better ( i make up words when needed).  So I will stop right here cuz in the end I don't get. I will never get it and guess that's just the way it is.