Things that run through my mind:

Life is Short- It has become glaringly apparent over the past few years. Maybe it's because prior to 2008 I had not had to deal with a lot  of death, but that has changed. Since 2008 I have lost 9 family members or friends. That seems a bit extreme considering that's within  a 5 year time period. I'm getting older, I realize it comes with age, but sometimes I feel like screaming "Really?"

Time Flies- I stood in a beautiful field watching my talented cousin take the most amazing photos of my son, the high school senior and I couldn't help but remember the photo shoot at Art Rich in 1997 to commemorate his one year birthday. Yeah, that was a long time ago and I feel like it was yesterday, but in the words of my idol, Stevie Nicks:, "Children Get Older and I'm Getting Older Too."

Love is strong- The power of love has guided me back to friends I thought were lost and has inspired me watching the strength of people facing difficult decisions but the love guides them and gives them the strength to do the unthinkable.

Communication is key- Talk to them. Someone I admire greatly pointed out the pitfalls of the digital age of texting, emailing and facebook. Although its a great tool it has replaced a lot of human contact and has caused problems because of miscommunication. There are things not meant for social networking and should be handled in person or a phone call. I won't forget that in the future. You never know the struggles of others unless you ask.

Animals are great and people can suck- I love what I do with Bikers Against Animal Cruelty. It makes a difference every day for an animal and that's what is important, but I would be lying if I said it doesn't affect me.  A piece of me dies every time we lose an animal to abuse. Some days I just want to crawl in a hole and hide from the world. So much evil and pain inflicted on animals who just want to give unconditional love and be loved back. It shouldn't be this hard, but it is. People suck sometimes. It's a fact of life. So until every animal is treated with love and respect and has a place to call home. We shall continue to fight.

Times are tough for everyone- I struggle all the time with finances. I am a paycheck to paycheck person. I'm grateful for my ex, his parents and my mom because without them my son would not have the things he does. I feel so worthless sometimes because I can't do for him and for others in the way that I would like. I hate receiving the little red warning bills every month. I am embarrassed when at times I'm raiding the change jar for gas money. Am I alone? Hell no. Are there people out there in far worse shape than me? Absolutely and I remind myself how lucky I am that I have the support of family to give my son everything he deserves and that I have a roof over my head and food for my animals. It's tough. Every day is a struggle, but we keep on going, we keep on giving when we can. We do the best for ourselves and others.

This is what is going on in my head today. If one thing I have shared today helps you gain perspective than putting myself out there is worth every word.  

Love to all.

The New Leaf

Be Honest

   To your parents

   To your children

   To your friends

   Most importantly to yourself.

Own your mistakes. Forgiveness comes quicker that way.

Learn from them too.

Take the blame no matter how big or how small. If it's yours to take.

Remember the good times, when the bad is smacking you in the face.

Respect the person if you can't respect the decisions they make.

Let go if you must. Hold on if you can.

Forgive in your heart even if you can't say the words.

Make peace with what you can't change.

Listen to the opinions of others but never forget its their opinion.

Stand by your choices rather than defend your actions.

These are the things I have realized. These are things I have learned and will follow them to the letter.

I'm turning over a new leaf because the old one is just too dirty.

It's a Blog Kind of Day

... Those were the words sent to me by someone I love dearly and who is a friend and mentor to me.  Maybe she's right. It is good for the soul.

 Let's see what to write? There's been so much that has happened. I could easily use this vehicle as a way to express "my side of things", but then I would be doing the very thing I have been avoiding all along, picking sides.

I guess all I can say is that throughout the past year, I did what I thought was best in the interest of everyone and that includes me. Yes. I most certainly made decisions that would be best for me that may not have made others comfortable or happy with those choices, but I can't live every moment for others. It's not done out of malice, or personal gain. It's what is in my heart.  

I didn't choose one person over another.  Nor did I choose a group over another either. I tried to keep a healthy balance , but when your loyalty is constantly being tested and scrutinized rather than accepted it makes it hard to maintain a friendship. When it is no longer fun and neither side is happy then why stay together?  It doesn't make sense. People change for a whole host of reasons. I accept that, but I expect the same acceptance when I tell you that the person you have become is not a person I would have ever had a relationship with to begin with.

As I write this blog I am realizing how cryptic I am trying to make it in order to not air our dirty laundry. Most will know who and what I am talking about so it seems stupid to try and talk in riddles. We both know what is fact and what is fiction. Neither of us is any picnic to deal with. Strong personalities, emotions run high. etc, etc. What I'm not sure is clear is the bottom line as to why I walked away. It has nothing to do with choosing to be friends with the perceived "enemy". It had everything to do with your actions and I'm not going to go any deeper than that here, because as I was continuing to write I realized that my emotions and frustration were getting the best of me and what I really want to say isn't meant for my blog readers but for you individually and sadly, you don't want to hear it.

Lastly, if I'm being brutally honest, the loss of our friendship is sad, but the loss of a few others who never even bothered to talk to me about what was going on and indiscriminately just took sides bothers me more. I never gave any reason for anyone to assume I am anything but genuine. My actions have been honest and deliberate and without malice. Taking her word and only her word pretty much tells me that you never thought much of me to begin with so I guess in hindsight it's good that your gone. I would have been open to a discussion so you could see where I'm coming from, but I guess this was very convenient for you. It was a quick way out.

I was reminded by the person who told me to write this today that I have wonderful supportive friends and that's what matters. I have a great family, and wonderful partner in life. I will always be disappointed at how people chose to handle this situation, but I will not apologize for doing what I felt was right. Everyone has a story that deserves to be heard. Everyone deserves respect.  This was never about me choosing. It was about life going on and people changing and how we all handle it. You made your choice. I made mine. 

The End.

I wrote a blog today

I wrote a blog today, but I can't share it.
It is personal.
It is the truth as I see it.
It would not be well received. Those in denial rarely accept the truth.

I wrote a blog today but this time it's just for me.

What's Goin on?

 

The past week was an emotional roller coaster for so many. Boston was terrorized, Texas suffered a horrific accident and in China was literally shaken.  These were the headlines across the nation and the world in the past week. It makes a person wonder "What's Goin on?"

The bombing in Boston is a sad horrible senseless act done by some sick and demented individuals. I don't pretend to know their motives or their affiliations if any. I stick to the simple facts at hand. Two men murdered 4 innocent people and maimed and injured upwards of 200 people all in the name of their religious beliefs.  I don't want to write a big long blog about the act itself. My purpose here today is to share what I keep telling myself each and every day to get through. I read this tweet by a young Muslim girl.

Makes sense to me. I sure as hell wouldn't want the entire Christian community to be judged based on the actions of the crazies in the Westboro Baptist Church.

What the world is going through today is scary. It makes me want to give up on humanity. I want to home school my son and never let him leave the house. I think about every major sporting event and wonder is this going to be the next attack? Then I take a deep breath and remember that the actions of a few do not define the lives of billions.  Yes, there are bad people in this world but they are outweighed by the good. The generosity of those around the world who have performed selfless acts of kindness in Newtown, Boston, and Texas.  I read a link today on buzzfeed that showed 44 amazing acts of kindness throughout the world to help the victims or to at the very least show solidarity in this great country that we live in.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/images-that-perfectly-capture-the-american-spirit

We can not let the actions of bad people define our entire life. We can not let fear dictate our actions. We can not let the bad guys win. We are a nation of superheros.  When the Westboro Baptist Church tried to picket military funerals, off duty military personnel, bikers and citizens create walls to prevent them from disturbing the mourners.  That's a superhero.  When the children of Newtown were under fire by a madmen, the staff didn't run they protected their children and some died for it.  They are superheros. Millions of people donated to funds and other projects to help these families move forward from this tragedy. Yup, superheros.  When Boston became a warzone, runners ran to the hospital to give blood, spectators ran TO the victims to help. There images abound of people helping people. In Texas, volunteers from all over were making their way to the wreckage to help with the recovery. Children setting up lemonade stands to raise money. This is what we are about. This is what we should remember. We are not a nation falling apart. We are a nation standing strong against those who would do us harm.

This might sound hokey. I'm not naive. I know this world is in the crapper in many ways, but we can't give up. We can't give in. There is a whole lot of evil in this world and it gets covered 24 hours a day on television and can be accessed whenever you want. I think we tend to focus on the negatives and take for granted all that is good.  

Be kind, be generous, don't rush to judge or place blame before you have the facts. Stand up for what you believe in but think before you speak. It is the little things that make a difference in this world. It only takes the small deeds of the masses to impact the world. 

I hope we never see another tragedy like 9/11, Newtown, Boston, Texas and all those that came before, but if we do we will overcome.

We are strong!

United we MUST stand

I started to write about what happened today.  I have alot of feelings about it. As do you all, but I have decided to wait until we know more.  So with that said, I will say this.

Slow Down
Don't rush to judgement.
Before you facebook, tweet or whatever it is you do make sure the information you are sharing is credible.
Avoid the blame game. We don't know who did it.  "They" can be anyone and "They" are not everyone that looks a certain way or wears a certain type of clothing.
Talk to your children.  Your terrified, imagine how they feel?
Look at the positive.  The footage shows people, many many people running towards the explosion to help people they may have never met in their life.  Runners who were not at the scene at the time of the explosion literally ran to local hospitals to donate blood. That is America. That is what the human race does. With every evil there is good.  The impact of what an evil group of people does impacts us greatly but it does not define us as a people.
The next couple of days will be hard for us as a nation. Take a deep breath and remember to be kind to your neighbors, your friends, your family.

Don't let "THEM" take anymore than they already did today.

We are good, we are kind, we are grateful, we are loving, we are compassionate, we are caring. We are what this world is truly about.  Don't let today define us.

♫♫Oohh Ohh Ladies First Ladies First♫♫♫

I said from day one it would be a Woman's competition this year. I wonder if they got sick of the boys winning year after year because the choices they made for men this year could not compete with the talent of the woman. No way. No How.

A couple weeks back I did my American Idol Predictions and for the most part I was right but I do have some changes to make,but before I do I want to give my opinion on the last few weeks of the show.

Anyone who knows me knows my opinion of Nicky Minaj. I think she is talentless and has made herself a celebrity through her bad fashion and bad attitude.  Her whole shtick is being this hard ass who tells it like it is. Here's the thing. She has been right A LOT. It pains me to admit it but it's true.  AI has the judges who have the pedigree to back what they are saying, Nicky's opinions are that of someone who loves music and knows what the industry wants. She is not a great performer but she knows how to work the industry because look where she is. She made a "mistake" of sorts or maybe the producers did because when Burnell got eliminated they showed her talking to him behind the scenes and her guard was down. Her stupid fake accent was gone and she was teary eyed talking to him. She clearly cares about these kids.  Bottom line is she wants to be the "Simon Cowell" of the group.  No one does nasty like Simon.

Predictions

My predictions have shifted.
                                                        The Next to go home is:Amber Holcomb
Amber has a really good voice. She is beautiful and marketable. I have issues with her pitch still and her song choice is not always smart. She has definitely overcome some of her confidence issues but she isn't able to connect with the audience.  She reminds me of former Idol, Pia Toscano who had one of the best voices in the competition but she just wasn't winning over the audience.  Amber suffers from the same issue.  I would be pleasantly surprised if she were to succeed beyond her Idol experience.

Then we will say goodbye to: Janelle Arthur
Janelle has really blossomed in this competition. In her own words not wanting to be a "one trick pony". She has shown diversity, and some truly heartfelt performances. Her acoustic arrangement of "You keep me Hangin on" was her WOW moment. She will absolutely be welcomed with open arms into the world of country music and could have moderate to great success like the Kellie Pickler that came before

My Top 3 

Angie Miller-  I had originally thought she would win the whole competition, but she has some maturing to do.  She will absolutely be making a Christian Rock Album in the near future and former Idol Alum, Colton Dixon will probably write a better part of that album.  She has trouble connecting with songs and people.  She has a huge fan base with fans of Christian Rock and many young girls who probably don't even realize that may of her songs are religious in nature.  She will finish 3rd.


Here's where it is literally ANY ONE'S GAME


Kree Harrison and Candice Glover are two very different singers, with 2 things in common. They know what kind of singer they are, and they are confident in who they are as women. They are two of the elder women in this competition.  They have about 5 years on Angie Miller and Amber Holcomb.  At this point in the competition it is all about song choice. Last week Candice blew the roof off the theater with her rendition of Lovesong.  It was exactly what she needed to shoot to the top.  The arrangement and her delivery were flawless.  Kree has been solid each and every week and her choice to sing acapella in the intro of "What the World Needs Now is Love" was a stellar move on her part. She showed the world the true purity of her voice without the music setting the tone.

If I HAD to make a choice on who will win I am going to go with Candice.  I think the power in her voice is always received well by the general public. People like BIG voices because it's not common and and it leaves a lasting impression.

Who do I WANT to win? Kree.  I think she is ready to make an album today and just needs the machine that is American Idol to get her to the next level.  She is radio ready, Concert tour ready and best of all she is  truly grateful, and humble about her ability and new found fame. She is always the first to thank the band or the arrangers for her performances.  I hope she never loses that.

So there you have it. Let's see if I'm right.

Thanks for reading.