My best friend in the world said to me recently that the world doesn't revolve around Tamyra. Say What?
But in all seriousness, I do know it doesn't revolve around me, but this year has been pretty big for me as anyone who has seen me can gather.
It was the year I took back my life. On January 26, 2016 I had my weight loss surgery. Literally the best decision of my adult life. I went from over 300lbs to 190lbs with more work to be done. It was the catalyst to the hundreds of changes that came my way since. I knew my appearance and health would change, but I had always said I would not.
I lied. Well I didn't lie. I made a prediction without the knowledge of what would actually happen. When you are obese most of your life, you can't possibly comprehend how your attitude, outlook and decision making may change.
I am a different person, but I feel like it's the real me and the person I was destined to be. It opened my eyes in so many ways. I have talked about this at length so I won't rehash it but it was the biggest change in my 2016.
So many of my friends on social media are so eager to kick 2016 to the curb and have had a very different year than me. 2016 will go down as the best year for me since the birth of my son 20 years ago. I will look back at 2016 fondly and with a smile for the rest of my life.
2016 brought change in other ways. I spent the better part of 8 years with a group of people I called family. They were my family. They got me through the toughest times in my life. They supported me through the good times and bad. I supported them 100% through weddings, anniversaries, injuries, deaths and birth. It was an amazing experience that I will always be grateful for, but all good things come to an end and my time has ended. It doesn't matter the reasons it is just over. The end came with my new beginning and that is not a coincidence.
The older I get, the loss of friends and family occurs a little more frequent than I would like. A childhood friend taken suddenly leaving two beautiful children behind. Her smile was infectious and her heart bigger than the moon. We miss you Tara. The colorful Carl left us this year. The good time guy who loved beer as much as his friends and was always there when called. His loss has been hard on many I know and his laugh and sense of humor are missed. Guy was an amazing son, husband, father and papa. His death was a huge loss to his family, but now he is with his son who he never quit got over losing not that long ago. Dom will make him proud like he always has.
Grudges. I will not keep them. It does no good. Life is too short. I am happy to have reconnected with an old friend before 2016 ended. Her absence has been felt through most of 2016 so I am hopeful 2017 will be different.
I am not lonely anymore. I don't talk alot about what goes on in my love life these days, because I have learned some things don't need to be "posted". I am happy and enjoying life and that's all that needs to be said.
And as always, my son continues to make me proud and pave his way to an amazing career and future. There are no words to express these feelings. So I will just leave this here:
2016 will go down in the record books for me as one of the best yet. I am eager to see what 2017 holds. Happy New Year Everyone. Be safe, be kind and remember that tomorrow is not a promise it's a gift.
It's Motivational Monday and today I am highlighting perspective. High school was a tough time for me. I was not popular and I was bullied quite a bit before bullying was really a focal point. I was called fat and was so self conscious of myself. I weighed 145lbs in this pic yet in my mind I was a monster. Then I ballooned up to 320 as you see in pic #2 and i was pretty happy with my life and my friends but still trapped in a body I was not happy with even though i had all the love and support in the world. Finally the 3rd pic shows the real me. The person I always knew i could be. I may not be 145lbs. But at 185 i am more confident and comfortable in my skin. I think my smile reflects my inner self. Never give up. Be true to yourself and if that means you are happy at 145, 320 or 185 it's ok. Just be true to you. Happy Monday folks. Let it snow!
I do not discuss politics. My views put me on both sides of the line so I don't affiliate with either side. I also don't judge those whose views are so far on the opposite side of the spectrum as mine. We live in a country that is supposed to support opinion, diversity and basic human rights. I decided to write this today to not talk about the political issues but to voice my opinion on how many Americans are expressing their opinions and how detrimental it is to relationships and this country.
Social Media is a blessing and also a curse. It allows us to share information in real time and keep a discussion or issue at the forefront without delay. It also provides a forum for people to hide behind a keyboard and spew off words that for many would never be uttered in a face to face meeting. It allows anyone to post anything true or not and dependent upon where your loyalty lies you choose to believe it without thinking for a second maybe I should fact check this piece of info before I send it. The phony websites that post "news" that caters to their political party or belief system have grown at such a rate that Facebook CEO, Mark Zuckerberg has no option but to start considering how to stop the phony baloney news articles running rampant on the net. USA Today Article on Facebook phony news
It is beyond my comprehension why any of my friends would willy nilly repost an article without taking two seconds to verify its validity. If you are only finding this article on one news outlet that you have never even heard of how can you possibly be sure it is legit? I am not blind to the fact that there are national networks catering to one political party or another, but at the end of the day it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out if something is true or not. Be responsible in what you post so that you don't look ignorant.
Opinions matter. Yours, mine and ours. STOP bashing the left. STOP bashing the right. If you are entitled to your opinion andI am entitled to mine. It blows my mind that people will block, unfriend, attack their friends and family over political positions. Without both sides there is no democracy, there is no choice. There is no America. We have a lot of work on both sides of the spectrum. Change is needed but the attacks on each other are just insane, unnecessary and quite honestly useless. Unfriending your friend of 20 years because they voted for Hilary is asinine. Blocking your brother because he voted for Trump? There are way better reasons to block your brother I am sure. Like that time he screwed your girlfriend or drank the last beer. But over who he voted for? That's just plain silly. We live in a country that promotes freedom of speech and the right to vote. Respect both in a respectful way people.
Lastly, this is the most "political" I am gonna get so here goes. Trump won. So Hilary supporters need to get over it and start taking actions to support the issues that matter to you that you feel will not be addressed in this administration. Protesting will not change who our President-Elect is. Moving to Canada does nothing to change that Trump takes office in January. If you want change, join a cause that means something to you. Be active in your community and in your government. Keyboard warriors and meme makers will not bring change.
Trump supporters. He won! Congratulations. Stop bashing the other side and gloating and taunting those you know from the other spectrum. We need to be a nation that is not divided and being on the winning side, you need to foster that unity through positive change not through continual negativity. What does it prove? The "I told you so" period has passed and always remember if you push the envelope of negativity, karma will always find a way to level the playing field.
I didn't want either candidate honestly. I am unsure that either can do for this country what we need, but I am eager to see what he will do because we all agree we need CHANGE.
So in closing. You actually CAN be civil to each other regardless of your political position. You can be respectful of all Americans even if you disagree with them. You can fact check your information before misinforming your friends and family with regurgitated garbage from a basement dwelling keyboard warrior who is just trying to get traffic to his crappy website.
You know who has the power to make America great again? YOU. So do it.
It's no secret I had weight loss surgery. I have shared this journey with everyone and anyone who was remotely interested. Some people keep it hidden or fabricate their story. I don't judge. It's a personal decision and I have learned that some people frown upon it so I get that for some it's easier to keep it a secret. Not me. I am an open book.
I prepped and prepped for this surgery for almost an entire year. I did all the things I was supposed to. I was poked, prodded, scanned, gave more blood than Bella did to Edward and I worked to achieve my goal.
I have had nothing but love and support from my friends since day 1 and to the few that didn't last with me on this ride, oh well that's your loss for sure not mine. So what is this blog about? It's about the things I didn't prep for. The things I didn't expect and the truth at how unprepared I was emotionally for what was about to happen,
DISCLAIMER* What am I about to write isn't a complaint. I am grateful for the weight I lost and how I look and how I feel. I don't wanna come off like oh Poor Tamyra and her first world problems. I am sharing this in the hopes that someone else who goes through it can see they are not alone cuz right now I am feeling pretty alone.
Ok back to business. What I wasn't prepared for was how my appearance and newly found self confidence would appear to the outside world. Specifically men. I was 320lbs and surrounded by men all the time. Men who are like brothers, or friends and a couple who were more. But now as I sit comfortably in my new body I find that people treat me different. I remember being the biggest girl in the room and completely invisible and thinking how nothing can feel so awful. I was wrong. Since the new me has arrived on the scene I have dated and it has been pretty much nothing less than a shit show since day 1. Yes I used the word shit show. Why? Because I was not prepared for how men perceive me now. Before, it was my personality and maybe my face that attracted men. I spent the better part of the last 20 years in committed relationships. I have no idea what it is like to be single and not obese. The things that men have said to me in an attempt " to get some" aren't as mind boggling as some of the men who said them. Men I know. Men I trusted and men I saw in a very different light prior to my surgery. Apparently, when you are in the friend zone you are protected from some of the truth behind a man's personality or desires. I never saw that side of them. I wish I never did. Married men, men who want nothing but a one night stand, men who want to dominate, men who don't respect women and are quite open about it. This is what I am dealing with. This is normal I guess in dating or is it? The problem is, I am not prepared. I am off my game. I don't feel like I have the radar up to warn me when there is a douche bag preying on the new me.
I am tired of feeling like I am doing something wrong. I don't dress slutty. I don't talk that way. I don't slink around flirting with every man I see. In fact, I barely flirt at all. Is me being the same me at 320lbs not going to work at 190lbs? Does my humor and smile say something different then it did when I had 2 chins instead of one? Can anyone tell me?
I have had a rough couple of days and I feel like its self inflicted and I need to figure out why and how to fix it. i am tired of feeling alone and crying. I am a good woman who someday would like to find a good man but in the meantime I am just being me and enjoying my new life.
They encourage people who have my surgery to go to therapy. I did two years of it before surgery so didn't think it was necessary. Well maybe I am wrong. I don't know. I haven't decided yet. I am sharing this so that other women and men who make the choice to improve their health and life know that while 90% of what goes on after surgery is amazing and I regret nothing, there are consequences. There is a down side. Now I just need to figure out how to live with the new me and the people that see me differently.'
Thanks for reading.
Yesterday was a milestone for me. I had bariatric sleeve surgery on January 26, 2016. When I walked in to the hospital that day I weighed 281 lbs. I had started the journey 9 months before at a whopping 320 lbs. I stepped on to the scale yesterday and there I saw it. 199.4 lbs. I actually got off and got on the scale twice just to be sure. So since I decided it was time to take back my life I have lost 121 lbs.
Here's what else I lost. A friend of over 20 years without any explanation as to why. It's happened before so why I was surprised or why I expel any energy towards the situation is beyond me. I guess not knowing the reason is a motivator for feeling that way. I lost many insecurities. I lost fear of rejection. I lost that self loathing feeling every time I looked in the mirror or was rejected by someone for any reason.
Here's what I gained. Confidence, my smile has returned, my health, a pain free life and a clear vision of who my true friends and supporters are.
Here's what I have learned thus far. Contrary to what I thought, my relationship issues were only partially driven by my weight. I have lost 100 lbs yet I still find myself wanting the wrong ones and devoting more time to them than I should. However, with my newly found self confidence, I waste less time figuring this out and I move on. That's a huge difference. I still make bad choices. I don't know if that will ever go away but what I realize now that although my outside may have dictated who was attracted to me and what I would tolerate as a person, it's my inside that still needs work. I deserve better. I know this and someday it will happen.
Weight loss doesn't fix everything but it does improve your health, state of mind and outlook on life. It improves the quality of your life. It changes how you think, how you feel and how you carry yourself everyday. Just like money can't solve all your problems, neither does weight loss. I legit thought I would find happiness much quicker because I was thinner. I am wrong and that's OK. I have lots to learn still and will keep learning.
I have about another 50 lbs to go and I will be at my goal I think. That's where my focus will continue to be. No longer worrying about what this boy thinks or that boy said. The right one will find me. I'm no longer looking.
Lastly, the one thing I didn't see coming through all this was the reactions from people who said I helped motivate or inspire them to take control of their weight. That is a bonus I could have never predicted. I chose to share the journey from fat to fit in order to keep myself in check and accountable. I didn't ever think it would affect others in a positive manner. I can honestly say that is probably the icing on the cake that I can't eat unless it's sugar free.
Thank you to each and everyone of you who have supported me and contacted me and helped me. There are too many to mention and you know who you are.
If you have a goal, stick to it. The feeling is amazing when you start to see it happen.
Well, well, well. It has been quite awhile since I have written a blog. In fact, took me a half an hour just to get back into my account. Shame on me.
For the most part, the people who read this also follow me on Facebook so what I am writing about is not a shocker. My life has changed dramatically in the past year but more so in the past 2 months.
On January 26, 2016 I walked into the hospital at 281 lbs. Two days later I would leave the hospital with 7 surgical punctures, and a sore belly as I recovered from gastric sleeve surgery. Since then I have lost almost 50 lbs. and in total since November 2014, I have shed almost 80 lbs.
Why surgery? I had exhausted all my options. The up and down of the last 30 years was enough. I had lost weight plenty of times and even kept it off for a year or two, but somehow, someway it always crept back up. It finally came to a head when after 7 years, the man I dedicated my life to decided he was leaving. I had let myself go so much. I was unrecognizable and I had a breakdown of sorts and didn't eat for almost two weeks and dropped about 15 lbs. It was the beginning. So thank you to that man for leaving. In a way I owe him the most thanks for my success.
One of my closest friends is the reason I am where I am today. She is the one who verified my insurance covered the procedure and she accompanied me to the informational session that literally got the ball rolling. Fast forward almost a year later and I am happier and healthier than I have been in years. I will never be able to thank her enough for that. She was the push that I needed.
I learned a lot preparing for this surgery. I learned that I have an amazing group of supportive friends and family and I learned that the ones that didn't stay on the ride with me just are not worth it. I changed so many habits and I realized something I didn't realize before. I was really really unhappy with who I was.
I know. I know. Everyone always says oh Tam you are so pretty and the weight isn't important. You are smart and funny and kind and you come off so confident. Thank you. I appreciate all that but truth be told I wasn't happy in my own skin. My confidence was a defense mechanism. If I didn't keep up the facade that I didn't give a crap about what people think of me I would have crumbled. I absolutely cared and I hated the mirror, I hated my body and some days I hated life.
At my heaviest weight which was 320 lbs., I was the biggest girl in the room pretty much all the time, yet I was invisible. Don't get me wrong, my people and they know who they are never ever treated me differently. They have always been supportive and loving to me. I am blessed to have brothers and sisters who may not be blood but are certainly my family. I was invisible to the general public. The people who just saw a fat girl. This past weekend I attended a party for my family. It was the first time I wasn't invisible. It was the little things, like the person that wanted to get by and rather than just blow right past me , he gently moved me and said excuse me. People held doors, and made room at the bar for me to get through. This may not sound like much but when you have lived a life where people look at you like a second class citizen it meant the world.
Some may think well damn, people should treat you the same no matter what you look like. This is true, but not realistic. You know it and I know it. I am not bitter. I can not change how people react to me or treat me. That was never my focus. My focus was to improve my health, my appearance and my happiness. I am succeeding.
I no longer have pain in my legs or feet. I don't dread the walk up the stairs to my apartment (even though it is really awful). I can sit in a booth in a restaurant and fit.I don't feel like everyone is looking at me eat and thinking she should order a salad. I am taking my son to a wrestling event and can't wait to actually fit in my seat. The ultimate goal has yet to be achieved, and that is a ride on a Harley. I haven't been on a motorcycle in probably two decades. I miss it. It will happen because I want it to.
People keep telling me I glow. That it's not just the weight loss but how I carry myself and how happy I look. Ladies and gents I can finally say I am happy. I am really happy. I am happy with the person I am becoming inside and out. I am not changing. I am becoming the person I was always meant to be. I was never meant to live in that body. The fat suit is slowly melting away. Day by day.
Anyone who feels like me, you don't have to have surgery. It's an option. I am just sharing this because the moral of the story is you will never truly be happy until you make it happen. I am making it happen.
Finally, MB, Karin, my JG fam who got me through one of the worst years in my life and have supported me through the greatest transition of my life I thank you and to everyone who has texted,face booked, stopped by and cheered me on since I announced this life changing journey, THANK YOU. I would list you all but I fear I would forget someone and believe me in my heart I have not forgotten a soul.
The journey continues and thanks for taking it with me.
