The things they don't tell you when you have weight loss surgery

It's no secret I had weight loss surgery. I have shared this journey with everyone and anyone who was remotely interested. Some people keep it hidden or fabricate their story. I don't judge. It's a personal decision and I have learned that some people frown upon it so I get that for some it's easier to keep it a secret. Not me.  I am an open book. 

I prepped and prepped for this surgery for almost an entire year. I did all the things I was supposed to. I was poked, prodded, scanned, gave more blood than Bella did to Edward and I worked to achieve my goal. 

I have had nothing but love and support from my friends since day 1 and to the few that didn't last with me on this ride, oh well that's your loss for sure not mine.  So what is this blog about?  It's about the things I didn't prep for. The things I didn't expect and the truth at how unprepared I was emotionally for what was about to happen,  

DISCLAIMER* What am I about to write isn't a complaint. I am grateful for the weight I lost and how I look and how I feel. I don't wanna come off like oh Poor Tamyra and her first world problems. I am sharing this in the hopes that someone else who goes through it can see they are not alone cuz right now I am feeling pretty alone.

Ok back to business.  What I wasn't prepared for was how my appearance and newly found self confidence would appear to the outside world. Specifically men.  I was 320lbs and surrounded by men all the time. Men who are like brothers, or friends and a couple who were more.  But now as I sit comfortably in my new body I find that people treat me different.  I remember being the biggest girl in the room and completely invisible and thinking how nothing can feel so awful.  I was wrong. Since the new me has arrived on the scene I have dated and it has been pretty much nothing less than a shit show since day 1. Yes I used the word shit show. Why? Because I was not prepared for how men perceive me now.  Before, it was my personality and maybe my face that attracted men. I spent the better part of the last 20 years in committed relationships. I have no idea what it is like to be single and not obese.  The things that men have said to me in an attempt " to get some" aren't as mind boggling as some of the men who said them. Men I know. Men I trusted and men I saw in a very different light prior to my surgery. Apparently, when you are in the friend zone you are protected from some of the truth behind a man's personality or desires.  I never saw that side of them. I wish I never did.  Married men, men who want nothing but a one night stand, men who want to dominate, men who don't respect women and are quite open about it. This is what I am dealing with. This is normal I guess in dating or is it?  The problem is, I am not prepared. I am off my game. I don't feel like I have the radar up to warn me when there is a douche bag preying on the new me. 

I am tired of feeling like I am doing something wrong. I don't dress slutty. I don't talk that way. I don't slink around flirting with every man I see. In fact, I barely flirt at all. Is me being the same me at 320lbs not going to work at 190lbs? Does my humor and smile say something different then it did when I had 2 chins instead of one?  Can anyone tell me? 

I have had a rough couple of days and I feel like its self inflicted and I need to figure out why and how to fix it.  i am tired of feeling alone and crying.  I am a good woman who someday would like to find a good man but in the meantime I am just being me and enjoying my new life.  

They encourage people who have my surgery to go to therapy. I did two years of it before surgery so didn't think it was necessary. Well maybe I am wrong. I don't know. I haven't decided yet. I am sharing this so that other women and men who make the choice to improve their health and life know that while 90% of what goes on after surgery is amazing and I regret nothing, there are consequences. There is a down side.  Now I just need to figure out how to live with the new me and the people that see me differently.'

Thanks for reading.