Yesterday was a milestone for me. I had bariatric sleeve surgery on January 26, 2016. When I walked in to the hospital that day I weighed 281 lbs. I had started the journey 9 months before at a whopping 320 lbs. I stepped on to the scale yesterday and there I saw it. 199.4 lbs. I actually got off and got on the scale twice just to be sure. So since I decided it was time to take back my life I have lost 121 lbs.
Here's what else I lost. A friend of over 20 years without any explanation as to why. It's happened before so why I was surprised or why I expel any energy towards the situation is beyond me. I guess not knowing the reason is a motivator for feeling that way. I lost many insecurities. I lost fear of rejection. I lost that self loathing feeling every time I looked in the mirror or was rejected by someone for any reason.
Here's what I gained. Confidence, my smile has returned, my health, a pain free life and a clear vision of who my true friends and supporters are.
Here's what I have learned thus far. Contrary to what I thought, my relationship issues were only partially driven by my weight. I have lost 100 lbs yet I still find myself wanting the wrong ones and devoting more time to them than I should. However, with my newly found self confidence, I waste less time figuring this out and I move on. That's a huge difference. I still make bad choices. I don't know if that will ever go away but what I realize now that although my outside may have dictated who was attracted to me and what I would tolerate as a person, it's my inside that still needs work. I deserve better. I know this and someday it will happen.
Weight loss doesn't fix everything but it does improve your health, state of mind and outlook on life. It improves the quality of your life. It changes how you think, how you feel and how you carry yourself everyday. Just like money can't solve all your problems, neither does weight loss. I legit thought I would find happiness much quicker because I was thinner. I am wrong and that's OK. I have lots to learn still and will keep learning.
I have about another 50 lbs to go and I will be at my goal I think. That's where my focus will continue to be. No longer worrying about what this boy thinks or that boy said. The right one will find me. I'm no longer looking.
Lastly, the one thing I didn't see coming through all this was the reactions from people who said I helped motivate or inspire them to take control of their weight. That is a bonus I could have never predicted. I chose to share the journey from fat to fit in order to keep myself in check and accountable. I didn't ever think it would affect others in a positive manner. I can honestly say that is probably the icing on the cake that I can't eat unless it's sugar free.
Thank you to each and everyone of you who have supported me and contacted me and helped me. There are too many to mention and you know who you are.
If you have a goal, stick to it. The feeling is amazing when you start to see it happen.
