Well, well, well. It has been quite awhile since I have written a blog. In fact, took me a half an hour just to get back into my account. Shame on me.
For the most part, the people who read this also follow me on Facebook so what I am writing about is not a shocker. My life has changed dramatically in the past year but more so in the past 2 months.
On January 26, 2016 I walked into the hospital at 281 lbs. Two days later I would leave the hospital with 7 surgical punctures, and a sore belly as I recovered from gastric sleeve surgery. Since then I have lost almost 50 lbs. and in total since November 2014, I have shed almost 80 lbs.
Why surgery? I had exhausted all my options. The up and down of the last 30 years was enough. I had lost weight plenty of times and even kept it off for a year or two, but somehow, someway it always crept back up. It finally came to a head when after 7 years, the man I dedicated my life to decided he was leaving. I had let myself go so much. I was unrecognizable and I had a breakdown of sorts and didn't eat for almost two weeks and dropped about 15 lbs. It was the beginning. So thank you to that man for leaving. In a way I owe him the most thanks for my success.
One of my closest friends is the reason I am where I am today. She is the one who verified my insurance covered the procedure and she accompanied me to the informational session that literally got the ball rolling. Fast forward almost a year later and I am happier and healthier than I have been in years. I will never be able to thank her enough for that. She was the push that I needed.
I learned a lot preparing for this surgery. I learned that I have an amazing group of supportive friends and family and I learned that the ones that didn't stay on the ride with me just are not worth it. I changed so many habits and I realized something I didn't realize before. I was really really unhappy with who I was.
I know. I know. Everyone always says oh Tam you are so pretty and the weight isn't important. You are smart and funny and kind and you come off so confident. Thank you. I appreciate all that but truth be told I wasn't happy in my own skin. My confidence was a defense mechanism. If I didn't keep up the facade that I didn't give a crap about what people think of me I would have crumbled. I absolutely cared and I hated the mirror, I hated my body and some days I hated life.
At my heaviest weight which was 320 lbs., I was the biggest girl in the room pretty much all the time, yet I was invisible. Don't get me wrong, my people and they know who they are never ever treated me differently. They have always been supportive and loving to me. I am blessed to have brothers and sisters who may not be blood but are certainly my family. I was invisible to the general public. The people who just saw a fat girl. This past weekend I attended a party for my family. It was the first time I wasn't invisible. It was the little things, like the person that wanted to get by and rather than just blow right past me , he gently moved me and said excuse me. People held doors, and made room at the bar for me to get through. This may not sound like much but when you have lived a life where people look at you like a second class citizen it meant the world.
Some may think well damn, people should treat you the same no matter what you look like. This is true, but not realistic. You know it and I know it. I am not bitter. I can not change how people react to me or treat me. That was never my focus. My focus was to improve my health, my appearance and my happiness. I am succeeding.
I no longer have pain in my legs or feet. I don't dread the walk up the stairs to my apartment (even though it is really awful). I can sit in a booth in a restaurant and fit.I don't feel like everyone is looking at me eat and thinking she should order a salad. I am taking my son to a wrestling event and can't wait to actually fit in my seat. The ultimate goal has yet to be achieved, and that is a ride on a Harley. I haven't been on a motorcycle in probably two decades. I miss it. It will happen because I want it to.
People keep telling me I glow. That it's not just the weight loss but how I carry myself and how happy I look. Ladies and gents I can finally say I am happy. I am really happy. I am happy with the person I am becoming inside and out. I am not changing. I am becoming the person I was always meant to be. I was never meant to live in that body. The fat suit is slowly melting away. Day by day.
Anyone who feels like me, you don't have to have surgery. It's an option. I am just sharing this because the moral of the story is you will never truly be happy until you make it happen. I am making it happen.
Finally, MB, Karin, my JG fam who got me through one of the worst years in my life and have supported me through the greatest transition of my life I thank you and to everyone who has texted,face booked, stopped by and cheered me on since I announced this life changing journey, THANK YOU. I would list you all but I fear I would forget someone and believe me in my heart I have not forgotten a soul.
The journey continues and thanks for taking it with me.
