... Those were the words sent to me by someone I love dearly and who is a friend and mentor to me. Maybe she's right. It is good for the soul.
Let's see what to write? There's been so much that has happened. I could easily use this vehicle as a way to express "my side of things", but then I would be doing the very thing I have been avoiding all along, picking sides.
I guess all I can say is that throughout the past year, I did what I thought was best in the interest of everyone and that includes me. Yes. I most certainly made decisions that would be best for me that may not have made others comfortable or happy with those choices, but I can't live every moment for others. It's not done out of malice, or personal gain. It's what is in my heart.
I didn't choose one person over another. Nor did I choose a group over another either. I tried to keep a healthy balance , but when your loyalty is constantly being tested and scrutinized rather than accepted it makes it hard to maintain a friendship. When it is no longer fun and neither side is happy then why stay together? It doesn't make sense. People change for a whole host of reasons. I accept that, but I expect the same acceptance when I tell you that the person you have become is not a person I would have ever had a relationship with to begin with.
As I write this blog I am realizing how cryptic I am trying to make it in order to not air our dirty laundry. Most will know who and what I am talking about so it seems stupid to try and talk in riddles. We both know what is fact and what is fiction. Neither of us is any picnic to deal with. Strong personalities, emotions run high. etc, etc. What I'm not sure is clear is the bottom line as to why I walked away. It has nothing to do with choosing to be friends with the perceived "enemy". It had everything to do with your actions and I'm not going to go any deeper than that here, because as I was continuing to write I realized that my emotions and frustration were getting the best of me and what I really want to say isn't meant for my blog readers but for you individually and sadly, you don't want to hear it.
Lastly, if I'm being brutally honest, the loss of our friendship is sad, but the loss of a few others who never even bothered to talk to me about what was going on and indiscriminately just took sides bothers me more. I never gave any reason for anyone to assume I am anything but genuine. My actions have been honest and deliberate and without malice. Taking her word and only her word pretty much tells me that you never thought much of me to begin with so I guess in hindsight it's good that your gone. I would have been open to a discussion so you could see where I'm coming from, but I guess this was very convenient for you. It was a quick way out.
I was reminded by the person who told me to write this today that I have wonderful supportive friends and that's what matters. I have a great family, and wonderful partner in life. I will always be disappointed at how people chose to handle this situation, but I will not apologize for doing what I felt was right. Everyone has a story that deserves to be heard. Everyone deserves respect. This was never about me choosing. It was about life going on and people changing and how we all handle it. You made your choice. I made mine.
The End.
